Family Run Mountain Cafe Giving Very Culty Vibes
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local man is struggling to enjoy a delicious ancient grain and pomegranate salad today as he ponders whether he might be bankrolling a pretty sketchy cult.
Enjoying a weekend away in the Byron hinterland, South Brisbane man Ryan Cromer has been lapping up the peace and tranquillity of the Northern Rivers of NSW.
After spending...
State Governments To Just Lock Up Youth Criminals Until They Become Adult Criminals In New Plan
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The state government has today revealed a brand new plan to tackle the highly publicised youth crime crisis.
The exciting new plan involves throwing kids into an underfunded and likely privatised jail until they grow old enough to be adult criminals.
As a result of bulk headlines in the click and comment driven Murdoch media owned newspapers,...
Pommy Bloke On Good Australian Coin Causes Two Car Crashes With His Blindingly White Veneers
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT
Chaos erupted on the streets of Betoota today when an unsuspecting British man on a working holiday, Gareth Morgan (29), triggered not one but two car crashes with his blindingly white veneers. The incident has left many Australians wondering why pommy blokes with a bit of money are so obsessed with making their teeth look so artificially white.
Gareth...
Long Term Media Personality Frustrated That National Current Affairs Program Wants To Ask About Highly Publicised Incident He Was Involved In
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The soap opera of Australian celebrity has this week served up another gem, with former Australian Cricket Captain Michael Clarke getting media tongues wagging.
Sitting down for what A Current Affair billed as an 'explosive tell all' (in true A Current Affair Fashion), the interview turned out to a frustrating back and forth between the journalist and the...
Gen Z Girl Struggles To Focus On Events Overseas Without Subway Surfer Gameplay Below Coverage
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT
Local girl, Nina Castelli (19) has found the unfolding events in the middle east extremely difficult to focus on without non-stop gen Z friendly stimulation.
Even though the Middle East updates arrived relatively swiftly, for the Gen Z cohort, time appeared to move at a slow pace. Known for their tiny attention spans and need for constant stimulation, many...
Amsterdam Glory Hole Incident Surpasses Marilyn Manson’s Rib Cage As Most Circulated Urban Myth
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The internet has today claimed another victory, after managing to create the greatest rumour of all time.
Some 20 years after Marilyn Manson's supposed operation to remove a couple of ribs so he could suck his own dick captivated the English speaking world, we have now been blessed with the Amsterdam Stag Do saga.
Generated by an English...
Pub Happy Hour Just Regular Schooner Prices From Six Months Back
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Savvy pub goers are increasingly aware of promotional tricks today as regulars of Betoota’s least violent pub, The Criminal Lord, have realised that current Happy Hour prices are just regular schooner prices from about six months back.
Due to the fact most of us enjoy a cold beverage, Australia has some of the highest alcohol taxes in the world,...
Chubby Baby Sits Up In Pram To Survey Her World Like A Gluttonous Ancient Warlord
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Betoota nanas and people watchers got an eyeful of demonic cherrubby goodness today as a local little chubba bubba looked out from their pram and surveyed the world around them like a gluttonous ancient warlord.
The first prams were invented in 1733 as a way to transport a baby while also giving you right of way in any place that’s a...
USA Getting That Familiar Urge To Leave Another Country With Average Age Of 15 And No Libraries
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
In some breaking news from the leaders of the military money making world, the United States have confirmed they are starting to get that little tingle again.
In an exclusive interview with the Betoota Advocate, US President Joe Biden has confided that he's really getting a sting on right now.
"God, look at what's going on over in...
Australia Launches Injunction To Stop European Winemakers From Using Passion Pop Name Unless It’s From Passion Pop Region Of The Cenny Coast
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Winemakers from the continent of Europe have today been dealt a significant blow, after a lawsuit was launched against them.
In the wake of the snobby Europeans carrying on about their Feta and Prosecco and Champagne, Australia has now hit back by launching an injunction to prevent any primary producers in Europe labelling their wine as Passion Pop....
