Local News

Mum Orders 2nd Round Of Hugs After Goodbye Hold Up At Door

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A Betoota mum is just going all out with the affection this week and has ordered a second round of hugs from her adult children after a goodbye hold up at the door. As someone who raised her three kids with an attentive balance of love and boundaries, Mona Fin (57) still has a good relationship with her adult...

Drunk Man Pissing On Electricity Box Can’t Help But Imagine Death By Pisstrocution

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACTIn a classic display of drunken imagination, local man, Eli Cheshire (26) has found himself contemplating a shocking death as he urinated on a public electricity box while drinking beers with mates in a park.Eyewitnesses describe the scene as both surprising and concerning, as Eli, fueled by beer and a couple cans of Hard Sol-Hard Rated, and a...

Local Bloke Hides Spontaneous Mid-Week One Night Stand With Supermarket Tee And Pack Of Fisherman’s Friend

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA local bachelor has been forced to swerve into Woolies this morning, as he attempts to hide a night of frivolous passion from his colleagues.Standing in the hosiery aisle of the Woolworths Metro on Tallis Street in downtown Betoota, local B2B Sales Specialist Lewis Kennedy has been forced to freshen up his office attire by pulling...

Small Town Vietnamese Bakery Launches $4 Lunch Special To Combat Unwelcome Arrival of Bakers Delight Franchise

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTBattle lines have been drawn in Betoota’s flight path district this week, as the suburb’s proud migrant heritage once again is challenged by the unwelcome arrival of a franchise business.Local media have this week been covering “The Battle of The Bread Roll”, as a local Vietnamese bakehouses works to disrupt the opening of a newly opened...

Local Air-Fryer Physicist Breaks New Culinary Boundaries With Fish Finger Parmigiana

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT One of Betoota’s most eligible bachelors is getting creative in the kitchen tonight as he looks to curate a Michelin star worthy meal. Having been gifted a Phillips XXL Eazi-Fry Deluxe for Christmas, Duncan Dunt (29) is one of the many single blokes in town who has fallen in love with his air-fryer, a kitchen appliance...

Holidays Are Officially Here, Confirms Townie Mate’s Sharp Increase In Water Skiing Related Posts

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local townie is down at the dam doing townie shit, confirms a recent spike of water skiing related content on his social media channels. According to Betoota's official dictionary, Betootaism, the term townie is described as follows: Informal. : a resident of a town. especially a permanent inhabitant of a rural town who does not farm his or her...

Negotiations With Spatula Enter 3rd Day, Cutlery Drawer Still Inaccessible 

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACTThe ongoing standoff in the kitchen shows no sign of ending anytime soon as negotiations with the spatula continue with no result.“I’m just a wreck” said a clearly anxious Mum “all the cutlery is being held hostage by this unpredictable implement but it’s still refusing to negotiate, or even talk. It hasn’t made any demands and we don’t...

“Sounds Like A 2024 Problem” Says Co-worker Who Still Has Quite A Few 2022 Problems To Solve

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACTIn a stunning display of selective procrastination, office worker Dave Williams has declared that all work-related issues are to be dealt in 2024, conveniently sidestepping all the unresolved 2022 work-related problems still on his to-do list. With a remarkably optimistic outlook, Dave confidently asserted, "Yeah, that sounds like a 2024 problem!" Having already mentally clocked off as soon as...

Nan Highlights How Much Granddaughter Has Aged Like She’s Some Kind Of Oil Painting Herself?

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman returning home for the holidays has already had her self esteem seriously eroded, after being met with a series of barbed comments from her family.Speaking to The Advocate, Leslie Durnham, 32, says that now that she’s only able to see her family roughly once a year after making the move to Western Australia,  there’s a ‘long...

76% Of Women Have Openly Declared They Want An AirFryer For Christmas

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACTIn a groundbreaking survey conducted across suburban Australia, results have revealed a new kitchen appliance thats on a growing number of Christmas wish lists. The study, commissioned by the Institute of Festive Gifting (IFG), disclosed that a whopping 76% of women have boldly proclaimed their desire for an air fryer as this year's ultimate Christmas gift. Dr. Yule Giftworthy,...

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