Local Man Permits Self Early Easter Indulgence Demolishing Novelty Sized Crème Egg In Supermarket Carpark
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A guilty lapsed Catholic has decided to break lent this afternoon, polishing off an entire football-sized creme egg in a supermarket car park.
Sitting in the driver's seat of his silver Kia Sorrento, The Advocate understands 36-year-old Darrell Lea has treated himself to a headstart on Easter after a very stressful grocery shop.
Shocked to learn the recent...
Hair Gel Manufacturers Turn Healthy Profits As Banking Sector Return From Two Years Of WFH
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
The board of Simpson & Simpson Pharmaceutical Co. has announced healthy 3rd quarter profits, buoyed by the long-awaited return to work of men that like to concrete their hair into place.
A manufacturer of several leading hair care brands including White Fox Grooming Paste, Tommy’s Barber Wax and the ever-popular Shock Waves Max Hold High Shine Gel,...
PM Urges Western Australians Struggling With Housing To Just Move Into The Abandoned Shacks Of Wittenoom
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactWestern Australians have today been given a life raft by Prime Minister Scott Morrison, as he’s urged them to think ‘outside the box’ and find housing elsewhere if they’re ‘too poor to afford rent.’
Sick of everyone’s whinging, a frustrated Morrison has stated that it’s not his job to fix everything, and that if Aussies...
“Whatever Loser” Says PM To Disgruntled Female Colleague Calling Him A Fake Christian Bully
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The Prime Minister has today respond to damning allegations in trademark style.
This comes after Liberal colleague Concetta Fierravanti Wells claimed that Morrison is a bully, a fake Christian and an autocrat who has no moral compass and treats leadership like it's his way, or the highway.
The all guns blazing speech to the Senate from the very...
Bit Different To Rundle Street, Says Overwhelmed Kodi Smitt-McPhee At First Oscars
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
Hollywood's night of nights has rolled around once again, and as usual, a few of Australia's very own are there to take it in.
It's already been a good start from the Australian contingent with, Greig Fraser winning Best Cinematography for Dune.
Nicole Kidman has also been nominated for an Oscar, as an actress in the leading role...
Distant Uncle Rocks His Stig Shirt At Family Reunion To Let Everyone Know He’s Good For A Yarn
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Uncle Murray Gasser (55) has made it clear to all he’s good for a yarn by wearing his rather dated ‘I Am The Stig’ t-shirt to his family reunion.
A reference to the British men’s therapy program Top Gear, The Stig is one of the show's long running characters known for his precision driving, white attire and secret identity.
With...
Scotty Knocks Over A Few Kid’s Sandcastles To Improve Image
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
As an election looms with the ominous roll of a wheelie bin stickered with your own face, Scotty has read the room for the first time ever and decided he needs to do a few things to improve his image.
In what is being described as an ‘only way is up’ approach, the Part Time PM has punched in...
Italian Mate Says He Was Always More Of A Rugby Fan Over That Fucken Stupid Soccer Shit
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A Betoota Heights local has drawn a few giggles today, after making a rather interesting claim.
Following a pretty relentless start to the morning on his construction site on the edge of town, Albert De Angelis has told the people he works with that he never really liked that 'stupid fucking soccer shit' anyway.
This blatant lie was offered...
Kyle And Jackie-O Skip ALP Factional Warfare Questions To Ask Albo Which MAFS Star He’d Root
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The King and Queen of FM radio have today reminded listeners about why they hold their place on the throne.
Hosting the nation's Opposition Leader on their show this morning, King Kyle and Queen Jackie-O made sure not to let the bloke hoping to be the next Prime Minister have an easy run.
Brushing aside easy home runs...
Economists Release Map Of Which Areas Will Be Completely Fucked If Interest Rates Go Up
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A leading economist from South Betoota Polytechnic has today revealed to The Advocate what the fallout will be if the Reserve Bank of Australia (RBA) raises the current interest rate.
Professor Alan Koch explained that roughly 95% of households around the country are going 'to be fucked' if the RBA bites the bullet.
"As you can see in...
