A local white collar man from our town’s leafy suburban enclave of Betoota Grove has hit the ground running for 2024, it can be confirmed today.

The spreadsheet hustler at one of our town’s most notable financial firms revealed to The Advocate that he’s hit an early home run this morning.

Alistair Whitely from Blackpool Stone & Mallesons explained that he’s laid the groundwork for a very successful 2024 after managing to complete his gratitude journal while listening to a podcast in the sauna.

“I may just have achieved peak optimisation,” said the local wellness expert today.

“Obviously, while writing your gratefuls in a paper book whilst you are dripping in sweat inside a room with high humidity isn’t ideal for the paper, it was so so so worth.”

“My mind is fully recharged and ready to nail this promotion,” continued the man with a few bits of soggy paper on the palms of his hands and his forearms.

“Oh, I did an ice bath after the sauna too,” he said.

“Can’t believe I nearly forgot to mention that.”

“Never forget to mention the ice bath,” he laughed.

When asked about what exactly it is he does, and what his promotion entailed, he said something vaguely about money markets before using a bunch of big words our reporter didn’t understand.

More to come.


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