In a move that has shocked even the most chill of racists, supermarket chain Woolworths have announced they will not be selling Australia Day merchandise, just groceries that are so overpriced the government is literally investigating how overpriced they are.

For all Australians the lead up to Jan 26 is a remorseless migraine of pointless discourse that somehow further divides a multicultural nation that is still hanging out on stolen land.

In previous years, some Australians have pointed out that it’s a bit crook to celebrate the day that marks the start of over 200 years of suffering for Indigenous Australians, which has led to fewer brands and corporations getting around the public holiday.

Already acknowledged to have a chequered past with public holidays that will always be fresh in our memories, Woolworths have decided not to sell Australia Day merchandise this year and instead will be selling groceries at an overly inflated price to the one leftie who thinks Woolies is cool for doing this.

“I will no longer be shupping [sic] at Woolies,” stated one Facebook user, referring to the lack of Chinese manufactured flags on shelves and not how it’s $7.50 for a pack of honey soy chips.

“I had no idea u hatted [sic] Australia.”

Allegations that Woolworths hates Australia have been circulating for the past year but have been more based on how they have contributed to the cost of living crisis by raising prices that have not been passed on to farmers and producers.

However, in this latest flash of woke-checkmate, Woolworth have confirmed they do not hate the millions of Australians they overcharge to check out their own groceries but just the ones who feel the need to buy a flag with another flag on it and maybe an inflatable thong for the kids.


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