The state government has today revealed a brand new plan to tackle the highly publicised youth crime crisis.

The exciting new plan involves throwing kids into an underfunded and likely privatised jail until they grow old enough to be adult criminals.

As a result of bulk headlines in the click and comment driven Murdoch media owned newspapers, state governments are facing public pressure to combat a youth crime crisis.

While plenty of experts in the field argue crime rates are actually down and there isn’t any more of a crime crisis than previously, anecdotal stories of young people committing crimes have been spread like wild fire on social media.

With thousands taking to social media to share suggestions about what they would do to young offenders, the state government has finally responded to the pleas of the community.

“We aren’t looking at the root issues of why young kids don’t want to be hanging out with their mates at school, or don’t want to be home at night,” laughed the Premier today.

“Don’t be silly, that would require a much more holistic youth justice system that doesn’t translate to nice snappy soundbites about teaching kids a lesson.”

“What we are going to do is round up any kid who commits any act, regardless of how minor the crime – and then throw them into a facility until the age of 18.”

“When they become adult criminals.”

“Pretty clever way to get young criminals off the street when you think about it.”

When asked about the long term affects of youth detention and what the government was doing to ensure young offenders had prospects of finding employment or training back in the community after their release, the Premier shrugged.

“Too hard. Doesn’t sell newspapers.”

“Just write down that we are tough on crime.”

More to come.


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