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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Doing it tough at the moment? Struggling with the bills? Having your heart sink when the cashier reads out your total when you head to the supermarket? Well, you might be struggling with an economic situation that our governments and institutions have done absolutely fuck all to combat. Like the federal government refusing to put a cap on...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation has today been rocked by some financial news out of one of the big cities. Ordinary people have been left scratching their heads after the boss of a company who had a major fuck up actually just went ahead and resigned. Kelly Bayer Rosmarin has stood down as the Chief Executive of Optus, after the telco...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Right-wing culture warriors in Australia have today been forced to update one of their favourite sayings after a historic evening in Ahmedabad. Those who enjoy turning every single issue into a Left v Right game, and those who enjoying commenting on content made by those people, have been sent back to the drawing board on the old 'Go...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The philosophical leaders of the sporting world have today moved to remind everyone about a thing of great importance. Following Australia's victory over India in a thrilling World Cup final, the English have spent the last few hours reminding everyone who the greatest team on the face of the earth actually are. "Forget that game last night," said...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A humble South Australian man with strong facial hair has today shocked the world. Craigmore local Travis Head has broken multiple records overnight, after one of the most incredible feats in human history. The cricketer from Adelaide shocked humanity by giving birth to 11 sons. The birthing miracle is believed to have broken multiple records, including becoming the...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some news from one of India's largest cities, a bunch of convicts have managed to win something quite significant. At roughly 2am this morning Betoota time, a bunch of loosers (sic) won an important game of cricket in Ahmedabad. The game of cricket in question was the final of the ODI World Cup, with 48 matches of...

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT In a groundbreaking new study, Betoota's South Betoota Polytechnic University has uncovered an incredible fact. A new report has revealed that everyone has a deeply traumatic guinea pig story. These pint sized pets, known for their seemingly harmless antics, hide dark secrets of emotional turmoil.  The researchers delved into the heart-wrenching memories of guinea pigs lost, as survivors...

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT Suburban woman Betty Ford, has done her bit for the local community this week by adding the 2024 Topless Firefighters Calendar to her online shopping cart.  As she types in her credit card details she insists to herself that this purchase is entirely for a good cause, citing the importance of supporting local fire departments.  The calendar in question,...

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT Australia’s cost of living crisis has given rise to a peculiar new status symbol in Australia’s urban jungles. The refreshing Iced Long Black. What was once a staple among Influencers, is now a conspicuous consumption statement for local females.  As inflation and the housing crisis continues to grip the nation, women across Betoota have found a new cost-effective...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Things have gone from bad to worse for the South African cricket team today, after management confirmed a new ban has been put in place. The people in charge of the organisation that loves to fumble the bag at World Cups have decided to ban all players from playing with small items like marbles, coins and small bits...