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LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A Betoota couple on a road trip figured the town they stopped in must surely have some good pubs after seeing a tobacconist right next to a kebab shop. Known as the two earthly goods most craved after a night on the piss, a kebab run or fresh deck are usually a one-or-the-other choice drunks have to make when...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The new normal we were promised has turned out not to be so new afterall as the natural world that healed slightly during the spicy cough pandemic is back to its declining ways. During the pandemic in 2020 and 2021, many communities around the world were forced to stay indoors, briefly decreasing the carbon footprint of everyone. As a result,...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT It has been confirmed that you can probably give a Betoota hinterland town a miss as the presence of a bike shop solidifies the place as an absolute bore-zone. Just 40 minutes out of Betoota, Kilby Vale was once the hidden gem of greater Betoota renowned for mountain views, artisan shops and how everyone passing through has to slow down to like 50 kms...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A rainbow has been discovered in a world of black and white today as local goth Dylan Hedge (15) decided to degoth after enjoying a pop song unironically. Yesterday while stacking shelves during an evening shift at Betoota Heights Bi-Lo, Hedge found himself mindlessly murmuring along to Baby One More Time by Britney Spears as he was automatically...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT There's trouble in the Hunter this week, as a proud 3rd generation Scone farmer lays down the law to protect his family's rich agricultural history. After spending several weeks hearing grapevine rumours about his daughter’s controversial new romantic interest, it’s believed 66-year-old Gerald Kelly has done his best to squash the potential of any inter-town mingling,...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT An innovative boyfriend is in the dog house this morning, after using his girlfriend's energy cleansing sticks to stabilise some unsteady furniture. After two months of promising to fix the broken leg of an Kmart TV unit, it appears local boyfriend Kyle Tate, took some long overdue initiative to solve the issue by shoving a few...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The sands of time have done their traditional dusting today as a local man developed a weird click in his knee literally three seconds after turning 30. Previously one to make jokes about the perils of ageing, golf course grass inspector Cody Chookley (30) decided he was up for a big one and invited his mates out on the...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Just as state and federal governments have wanted you to eat into our superannuation, the nation’s workplaces are following suit by providing their valued employees with some rather edible Christmas bonuses. Once used to thank employees for a fraction of the unpaid overtime they did, Christmas bonuses were amongst the best of Christmas gifts as no feeling really matches...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A fun Christmas game of sardines seems to be taking place in the home of Betoota grandparents Noel and Val Kirk as all their descendents aged between 15 and 30 seem to be spending a bit of time ducking in and out of the dunny. For empty nesters like Noel and Val, Christmas is a joyous time to share...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local tradesman has today brought the house down. Despite spending the last few weeks laying the foundations for some soulless project home on the edge of Betoota Plains, Greg Pearson has now brought it all crumbling down. The cause for collapse is believed to be laughter related, after the worksite joker turned up with his Kris Kringle...