LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Just as state and federal governments have wanted you to eat into our superannuation, the nation’s workplaces are following suit by providing their valued employees with some rather edible Christmas bonuses.
Once used to thank employees for a fraction of the unpaid overtime they did, Christmas bonuses were amongst the best of Christmas gifts as no feeling really matches being paid almost what you’re worth.
However, if you ignore the record profit margins many companies are enjoying, times are tough right now and that’s why this year’s Christmas bonuses will look a lot less like numbers in your bank account and a lot more like an undersized Dominos pizza.
“It’s just unacceptable,” stated employer Mark Sanh of Sanh & Sons Solicitors.
“Dominos is not a Christmas bonus. That’s why this year I went with Bambino Babette in the French Quarter, along with some of their cheesy garlic bread and a piece of tiramisu slice each.”
“I even personally served it up to them, that’s how committed I am. They were saying things like ‘No, Mark, you don’t need to do this,’, ‘Stop, that’s not the pizza I wanted,’ and ‘Mate, you’re getting toppings all over the floor, is this your first time eating pizza,’ but that didn’t stop me. I serve the people who serve me.”
“Plus, what are they going to do? Quit? Jobless in this economy? Yeah righto. And they know, it is company policy to not write recommendations or be resume referees so really this absolute feast is the least I could do.”
According to Sanh, traditional Christmas bonuses are not off the table as he was able to provide two juicy bonuses for two valued employees, Mick Sanh and Mark Sanh Junior.
“Probably don’t publish that bit. Don’t mention my missus made the tiramisu slice either.”