As the Australian media continues to work themselves into a fit of hysteria over the fact that Prime Minister Scott Morrison doesn’t know how much a loaf of bread or a litre of milk costs, the question has been posed to the leaders of Australia’s other political parties.

Opposition leader Albanese was the first admit he also didn’t know the answer, claiming that he had lost track of the market price for bread when the Vietnamese first arrived in Marrickville in the 1970s.

Maverick Independent MP from North Queensland, Bob Katter claims he does know the answer but says it fluctuates constantly in his electorate.

When asked this ever important bread question, Katter went on to explain that “The price of bread is solely dependant on whether Con from Samios Grocers in Cloncurry has done his arse on the punt over the weekend.”

Before explaining this particularly niche cause of fluctuation in the price of groceries in North-West Queensland, Katter launched into a tirade of local history bordering on full blown gossip.

“Once upon a time he used to bake the stuff himself, but, ya know, old Con’s slowing down a bit nowadays. It’s not just that dastard TAB breathing down his neck, either. He’s been popping those tablets Dr Rajesh gave him for his hip like they are bloody smarties. Not to mention the grog. We’re talking about a bloke that puts a flagon of port in the freezer over night and drinks the shit out of a schooner at breakfast like frozen coke. Come to think of it, i still think that old Greek is still running a cash only set up. Don’t blame him really, the banks and the ato have crippled this part of the world.”

When asked by our journalists to expand on what the hell is was talking about, and why he thought a 69-year-old Greek-Australian man’s drinking problem was in anyway related to the cost of living in 2022, Mr Katter assumed that he was being accused of racism.

“I won’t have a bar of that. I’ve got Greeks as relations, you know. Our family tree is big and twisted, and there are many olive branches, if you know what I’m saying”

“Anyway. Have you lot read about ethanol stuff? That’s the answer to the energy problems down south. I’m gonna be asking the Prime Minister for two-thousand-million to build an inland rail line to cart it back and forth from the Isa to the Steak and Kidney”

“And if I get the balance of power in this election, I’ll be asking Albanese for double that”


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