A local piss wreck has today done his very best alleviate his own guilt over what may or may not have happened at the Betoota office Christmas Party for a corporate multinational that he has been employed by for less that two years.

Standing in the sterile break room this morning at 9:08am, Grant Savva (28) began speaking to a colleague who he would usually never bail up this early on a Monday morning, if not for the fact that he desperately needs to clarify whether he is getting fired today.

“Haha. Man things got out of control on Friday didn’t they?!” he says to a graduate-level accounts manager named Elise (23).

“Yep. They sure did” says Elise, in a cruel tone that lacks any kind of solidarity.

Grant tries again.

“I can’t believe it was an open bar… Man the drinks were flowing”

Elise agrees. Yes it was an open bar. And yes, the drinks were flowing it seemed.

Grant, who is starting to sweat at this point, keeps searching for that sweet sweet assurance that only a younger female that witnessed his belligerent behaviour can offer him.

“I wasn’t that bad was I?”

Meanwhile, 14790 kilometres away, at the Netherlands-based global head office for this giant multinational conglomerate, Grant’s Linkedin photo appears on a projector screen at the end of a boardroom table.

A room full of highly-paid human resources professionals with varying accents have spent the last hour examining one of the most unprecedented examples of dropping the ball in the corporation’s 60 year history.

This very serious discussion ranges from the lighter gaffes, namely documented examples of foul language, peer-pressure, and offensive jokes – right through to the severe misconduct such as physical intimidation, accapella singing, suspected urinary incontinence, disrobing and an alleged display of puppetry of the penis.

It was an absolutely arse-doing that will now be included as a case study in all company-wide employment contracts moving forward.

Back in the Betoota office, Elise decides this doesn’t need to be painful for Grant.

“Nah. You were fine” she says.


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