Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As Adelaide is the closest capital city to our cosmopolitan desert community, Betoota is well-stocked with a number of uniquely South Australian dishes and cultural activities. From heavy processed cylinders of pig meat that's an affront to God's design and plan for His creations to murdering people and cramming them into barrels full of acid,...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA local arts student who likes to pretend they were born on the wrong side of the tracks has secretly snuck home this week, for a taste of the luxury home comforts they grew up on. Alice Shanley-Keegan (22) has been undertaking a Bachelor of Arts majoring in finger painting at the prestigious Betoota College of Fine...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Ponds woman has this weekend made a shocking discovery just one month into a relationship, which now sees her questioning if her new boyfriend Josh is a bit of a freak - and not the fun kind. It’s alleged the incident occurred early Sunday morning, when a very hungover Deena Volp found herself imploring Josh to get...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTIn grim news for those planning a backyard BBQ, the recent ice crisis that’s plagued Betoota for the past several months is expected to continue well into Summer, as locals continue to pledge allegiance to cold water therapy cults. Unlike the methamphetamine crisis that is wreaking havoc across multiple Queensland townships, the Diamantina is believed to be...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA man has been pronounced dead in a Betoota brewery after a plate of loaded fries accidentally discharged killing him instantly. Available at every venue that serves beer, loaded fries are a bowl of fries or hot chips topped with any variety of ingredients such as melted cheese, meats, sauces and whatever else weird shit they did in the...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTAs a privately educated Australian woman who works in PR, Betoota local Caitlan O’Harrah (24) decided to make the pilgrimage to London where she will live and work for the next couple of years. After quickly learning that even the cheapest areas on the Monopoly board are home to only the super rich, O’Harrah has taken to the comfort...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA North Queenslander spotted driving down a busy road Friday afternoon has left drivers scratching their heads, due to the strange combination of bumper stickers on the back of his Toyota Hilux, it’s reported. Onlookers at the scene report that the bloke had first caught their attention with the sound of Foo Fighters blasting from the radio, and because he would...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT Graham Mitchell (61), has been a loyal Foxtel customer since 1998 and despite his children's pleas that there is a far better, more efficient system out there, he is deciding to stick to his guns on this one.   "It's just all just a bit confusing, it really just seems unnecessary and honestly, a bit of a con. Why fix...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman who finds it hard to hide when she’s bored has today resorted to fidgeting with items within her immediate vicinity, which is pretty much the exact same thing a toddler does when they’re not interested in answering their parent’s annoying questions. Ivy Mosman, who deeply suspects she has ADHD but can’t afford the $2000 assessment, is...

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACTAsk anyone who knows me and they’ll surely say that Dr Chet Spevens is the master of the pursuit of wealth. And I know these same people also say that my financial advice is revolutionary. I’m the Che Guevara of money, the Pol Pot of credit. Ok maybe that’s a bad example but the point...