A local arts student who likes to pretend they were born on the wrong side of the tracks has secretly snuck home this week, for a taste of the luxury home comforts they grew up on.

Alice Shanley-Keegan (22) has been undertaking a Bachelor of Arts majoring in finger painting at the prestigious Betoota College of Fine Arts, a grungy school that recently moved its campus into the old West Betoota prison.

As a former prefect at St Barts School for Girls, Alice secretly knows full well she’s not all that working class, given she spends every Christmas skiing in Aspen, and grew up in a mansion in Betoota Grove with three brothers and her parents who are both physios.

But given her acceptance into an arts college gave her the opportunity to rebrand herself, it’s alleged Alice quickly ditched her Kookai wardrobe, bought some Doc Martens and moved into a 5-bedroom share house with a bunch of other impoverished students.

Now halfway through a gruelling semester dissecting Lars Von Trier films and crafting her first body of work, which is an artistic exploration of the housing market created with melted candles and her letterbox junk mail, Alice couldn’t do another night of chickpeas on rice
and decided she’d make the pilgrimage to visit home which was a 12-minute Uber ride away.

Stepping into her family mansion with the scent of porterhouse steaks wafting from the kitchen, Alice cooed with glee just glad to no longer be smelling the scent of her roommate ‘Saffron’ smoking a bong.

“Ahhhh this is better…”’

With a home cooked steak on the table and a pomegranate and fig salad in the works, Alice decided she might as well let her housemates know she wouldn’t be returning to her festering share house tonight.

“Hey guys, I’m staying with a friend tonight,” she texted into the housemate chat, “He lives in that arts commune outside of town, I might be here for a few days…”


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