Little Fucken Fruit Fly Watching Telly With You Too!
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTDuring one of the only 340 odd nights a year he sits down to watch telly, local bachelor Angus Pound (32) was joined by a pesky little fruit fly who figured he’d watch a bit of telly too.Known for being small enough to disappear from sight but big enough to buzz in your ears, fruit flies are known...
Son Becomes The Man Of The House After Being The One To Yell “Hip Hip!” At Birthday Party
CLYDE ROYAL |Western News| ContactRichard Thomas had never thought his position as head of the house would be under attack so soon. At a recent birthday party hosted by Richard and his wife Claire in their Armadale home there was a change in the leadership of the household. Richard found himself distracted as the singing of happy birthday ended, his son Jude,...
Exciting Event Unfortunately In That Cunnovajoint Known As Homebush
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman who has lived in Sydney for a few months has unfortunately stumbled upon the biggest gripe for music appreciators living in the cockroach city, which is having to deal with the Cunnovajoint 'Qudos Bank Arena', located in the Bumfuck Idaho known as Homebush.
Originally from Brisbane, Kayla Stewart had no idea how spoiled she’d been with venues...
Local Man Destroyed By Inflation After Only Earning A Wage His Entire Working Life
RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact50 years of inflation has just come back to bite local man, Damien Hardy (68), after the penniless fool only earnt a wage his entire working career of 48 back-breaking years.
Reportedly, across those years Hardy was a full-time employee at Betoota Carpets and Curtains, rising through the ranks from customer assistant to regional store manager. However despite his...
FINANCE | Take Back Control Of Your Finances By Cooking Eggs On Toast For Breakfast AND Dinner
DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACTI'm Dr Chet Spevens, Betoota's foremost finance guru and wealth creation expert. Since the RBA began hiking rates, I've been on a relentless quest to enlighten our readers about the imperative of flexing their money muscle.
It is no secret that in many boroughs of Betoota, rates of financial literacy are poor. For example, one...
Ultra-Luxury Penthouse Apartment Offers Residents Majestic Views OfThe Slum Forming On The City’s Edge Far Below
RORY SALAZAR | Finance | ContactBetoota's Old City District has officially stepped into the 21st century with a dazzling 126-story solar glass skyscraper unveiling today.The opulent marvel packs it all: a casino, bank, hotel, offices, three pools, five gyms, and a $27 million penthouse offering majestic views of the city far below.
Given Betoota’s flat topography, residents of the ultra-luxury penthouse can gaze down...
Elderly Hollywood Star Reveals Details Of Disturbing Relationship With Woman His Own Age
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA beloved elderly celebrity has let society down again after making it public knowledge that he is in a relationship with a woman his own age.Known for having a place in the heart of every nana in Australia, classic film actor Rudy Rutherford has revealed he has still got a bit of go in him by announcing a...
Ageing Townie Remembers Time When Bored Teens Would Steal His Garden Hose And Not His Hyundai Like They Do Now
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A French Quarter man remarked to his friends this afternoon down at the River Road Hotel that he looks back on a time when kids only used to pinch his hose and not his well-maintained Hyundai like they do now.
Terry Basil explained that even with adequate security measures, local teenagers still managed to break...
Boyfriend’s Travel Photos Just Poorly Translated Signs And Pics Of Partner Struggling With Chilli
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTAn overseas trip may not have been money well spent as unmarried couple Dave and Tahlia have returned from South East Asia with two very different collections of photos.Tahlia has returned with almost 1000 photos of herself in beautiful beaches, bridges and coves, with the other tourists sneakily cropped out, a rewarding collection that really shows the diversity...
Tight Mate Who Bought A $15 Jug Of House Lager Has Audacity To Request Something Different Next
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTLocal tightass Finn Dorsey’s thriftiness really knows no bounds.A bloke who once hit up a mate for $4.60 after shouting them a coffee, Finn has developed a reputation amongst his friend group as being the type of bloke you never try to book a holiday with, because his continuous quest to save a dollar has become...
