I’m Dr Chet Spevens, Betoota’s foremost finance guru and wealth creation expert. Since the RBA began hiking rates, I’ve been on a relentless quest to enlighten our readers about the imperative of flexing their money muscle.

It is no secret that in many boroughs of Betoota, rates of financial literacy are poor. For example, one of my students recently bragged to me about buying their fourth ANKO 2000w Kmart Iron this month, and in total they’d spent less than $30. Meanwhile, they said their friend had wasted $189 on a single iron five years ago.

They didn’t understand they’d end up spending more on ANKO 2000w Kmart Irons because they break down as soon as you take them out of the box, while their friend’s would continue to stand the test of time.

This same student, Angela we’ll call her, because that’s her name, went on to say she is struggling to make ends meet. The cost of living is out of control, she said, and she now only buys takeaway Friday and Saturday nights, and her and hubby only go out for date night once a week.

I had to stop her there. Angela couldn’t see that by going out for dinner, or buying takeaway, she was not living as frugally as she needed to be during this cost of living crisis.

I had to explain that the RBA wants her to never leave the house again. I told her that any joy she has in life that relies on the transaction of money, she had to put a stop to it right now, because the RBA is asking her and everyone in Betoota to save the country from itself.

The hardworking hairdresser was shell-shocked. She asked me, “If I can’t leave the house, spend money, or let any type of joy into my heart, what kind of a life is that?”

How selfish can one person be, is what I thought to myself. The RBA has made it clear to all of us that we need to stop ruining the country with our low unemployment rate and our incessant buying of goods and services.

Oh, Angela. Self-absorbed, narcissistic, entitled, ugly, stupid dumb Angela.

I know you’ve already sacrificed a lot, I said to her. But you’ve got to stop going out of the house, especially for food

I said if you want to take back control of your finances, and do right by the country in the process, stay home and cook eggs on toast for breakfast AND dinner.

The idea was hard for her to grasp. A lot of financial management concepts are. But I said if you can manage to eat eggs on toast for dinner, despite having ate them in the morning too, then you’ll be able to take back control of your finances in a flash, and save the country at
the same time.

She didn’t even say thank you for the advice. Typical entitled millennial.


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