Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman looking to dip her toe into getting cosmetic filler for the first time has found herself having a bit of a panic attack this afternoon, after her appointed nurse appeared to be a little heavy handed on the fillers herself. Thirty four year old Amanda Goodman tells The Advocate that she’d been deliberating about getting filler...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has found herself grappling with her grandparents' decision to go on a month-long cruise in the Caribbean, which she reckons is just a ‘pure waste of her inheritance’, seeing as they’re ‘almost guaranteed to get sick.’ Speaking to our reporter at the bustling CBD cafe, ‘Le Journal’, Leela Mason, 28, says she simply doesn’t understand the...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA woman who needs the constant validation from her peers has been forced to get a move on today, after realising she only has five days left to purge her Spotify. This comes as the Spotify Wrapped stops collecting data by October 31, which means Anita Charleston has to get a hell of a lot of listening to get...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTUncle Tommy ‘Chirpy’ Chirphurst (57) has let it be known he’s a man of the world too by sharing a horrifically inappropriate story about his highly antisocial levels of Bintang consumption while in Bali.Like a lot of uncles who turn into a yarn machine at BBQs, Chirpy has made so many trips to Bali that he is unable...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTThe residents of Betoota have found their hearts a little warmer than usual today as an older fella’s trendy shoes hinted that the codger must have a good relationship with his adult daughter. Just like anything that has changed since 1985, Tony Timbertin (53) of Betoota Heights finds the modern world of ‘sand shoes’ confusing, alienating and something that...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman who has been grappling with finding a revealing Halloween that isn’t ‘cliche’ has this week found the perfect solution to her conundrum, by opting for a pop culture reference with a slutty twist! Abigail Petersham, 26, tells The Advocate that she’d secretly love to just dress up like a nurse or a cat, but that it...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact White-collar professional Sean Smith (37) has had a panic attack while working from home after receiving an email from his company’s HR Manager. The email stated that starting next week, all WFH employees must return to the office, ending Smith's beloved WFH routine. Speaking with the Advocate via Zoom only moments ago, Smith expressed a deep set frustration against the...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA thriving halloween party has taken a tense turn this evening after an uninvited incel decided to turn up and start roleplaying as his character. The Advocate can report that vibes were initially high at 26 Nolan Street in the French Quarter, as a university share house hosted ‘a gatho’ to celebrate Halloween. After creating the event on...

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT In the alternative realm of Betoota's local creative agency, a recurring spectacle has captured the imagination of its employees. People at the workplace are preparing for a hole in the roof, after a co-worker's MacBook begun to sound like it was going to take off upon opening an Adobe File. The ageing laptop, a company-owned relic that the...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTA coming of age tale has taken place far too late to be adorable as newly single manbaby Benjamin Bennett (31) has had to do this horrible thing and fill out his own forms like a proper big boy. During his recently terminated relationship, Bennett knew of several things he was so bad at that it was easier if...