RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact

White-collar professional Sean Smith (37) has had a panic attack while working from home after receiving an email from his company’s HR Manager.

The email stated that starting next week, all WFH employees must return to the office, ending Smith’s beloved WFH routine.

Speaking with the Advocate via Zoom only moments ago, Smith expressed a deep set frustration against the mandatory return to office. “What’s the data they’re using to show that we’re more productive from the office?” He asked from the comfort of his home’s north-facing study. “There isn’t any. It’s an arbitrary decision. That’s what annoys me,” he explained.

As Smith spoke, the sun shone through his study’s windows, playing tricks with the video feed’s lighting. “Ah, sorry, one sec,” he said, getting up to draw the window blinds. In doing so, he unintentionally revealed that under his business shirt he wore only a pair of light blue Bonds jocks. “Oh damn,” he cried, reflexively pushing his shirt down to cover his family jewels with embarrassment. “Sorry. Getting a bit too comfortable WFH,” he conceded.

The open-hearted man seemed like a nice fellow. So out of solidarity our reporter stood up from his own home study’s chair to reveal that he too was rocking jocks. “Light blue is your go-to colour, too?!” Smith laughed. “Awesome,” he said while sending a ‘thumbs up’ emoji fluttering up across the Zoom’s video feed.

However, his joyful expression turned to one of distress. “Returning to the office means wearing pants again.” He fidgeted anxiously. “Putting deodorant on. Doing my hair. Ironing every week,” he sighed as he looked off screen to what must have been the direction of his wardrobe. “I hate wearing Chinos,” he spat. 

When the Advocate suggested social anxiety as the cause of his reluctance to return to the office, the long-legged brunette scoffed at the idea, stating that he was, in fact, an extrovert. He lifted one of his well-tanned legs up across the desk. “It’s more that for me to do my best thinking these pins need to be free.”

“Although,” his eyes lit up with excitement. “Work may have changed its policy on appropriate office attire?” 

“Surely pants aren’t a requirement,” he mused to himself before telling us he had some research to do and left the call.

More to come.


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