Local News

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACTProfessional and casual vandals alike are celebrating as a public sign featuring a bald real estate agent has provided them with the perfect canvas. Along with politicians, real estate agents are one of the few occupations that hold onto the belief that a five year old photo of their rude head will help with their career, despite the fact...

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACTI hate the term ‘problem gambling’. It doesn’t make sense. In my position as Australia’s leading independent finance expert, who is sponsored by the gambling lobby of Australia (among others), I regularly rub shoulders with industry heavy weights. And I can tell you with authority that it’s not gambling that’s the problem but the gambler...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Sir Paul McCartney's spectacular Wednesday night Brisbane show at Suncorp Stadium has left Queensland feeling uplifted, in the midst of bushfires and storm warnings. With a setlist of well over 30 songs, the lucky ticketholders were treated to a gig that was unlike any performance they'd ever seen before. But after the multiple encores wrapped up, Sir Paul McCartney that...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTA recently dumped bloke has been placed on a mandatory 11-day stand down period this week, after almost concussing himself with an unhealthy amount of app swiping. After being in a stable relationship for the past eight years, new bachelor Ethan Edwards (26) has been enthusiastically hitting an extensive suite of dating apps, displaying behaviour that’s caught...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent report by Betoota's leading pub science group has found that interrupting a season yarn-spinner while he's halfway through doing what he does best, is a horrible thing to do. Not will you find yourself disrupting the momentum of the great man, but you'll also skirt very close to ruining the yarn for everyone else. However, the most unpleasant...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA popular dive bar frequented by the town's punks and metalheads is discovered to display an interesting array of human emotions in the toilets, which is sure to be marvelled by archeologists like caveman paintings, should the building somehow continue to exist in hundreds of years time. Located in Betoota Ponds, ‘Flynns’ (named after the actor/notorious pervert Errol Flynn) is...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactStaring sadly at his thinning hairline in the mirror, local bloke Ian Thompson lets out a sigh. Despite his multi step hair loss prevention routine (minoxidil, finasteride, and dragging needles across his scalp), Ian's hair has unfortunately been hellbent on disappearing as fast a private school boy being held accountable for his actions - An insult that is made worse...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A frightening gang of wild youths are going from door to door in Betoota Heights, scaring the blood out of the home-owning population of local boomers. In case you’ve never been targeted by advertising, it is Halloween today which means costumed children will roam the streets asking for lollies under the vague threat of vandalism. Betoota Heights couple Frank and...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA sad bachelorette from Betoota Heights has found an unlikely bed buddy this week, which has prompted her to reflect on her relationship status, it's reported. Ava Highfields, 29, tells The Advocate that she’d been drifting in and out of sleep early yesterday morning when she’d felt a soft caress on her cheek that felt similar to a ‘lover...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA poor Betoota Heights woman has unwittingly found herself victim to a Tool fan, who proceeded to not shut the fuck for a solid thirty minutes dissecting every minute detail about what makes Tool, ‘the greatest band of all time.’ Leslie Deneuve is alleged to have been making small talk at The Shifty Hen’s smoker’s area last Saturday night...