EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A poor Betoota Heights woman has unwittingly found herself victim to a Tool fan, who proceeded to not shut the fuck for a solid thirty minutes dissecting every minute detail about what makes Tool, ‘the greatest band of all time.’

Leslie Deneuve is alleged to have been making small talk at The Shifty Hen’s smoker’s area last Saturday night as she bummed a puff from a metal head, prompting her to enquire about his ‘Tool’ shirt.

Unfortunately for Leslie, her simple ‘what’s that’, resulted in her being told the entire history of the band, and what makes them so ‘unique.’

“Aw man you don’t know Tool!? They’re fucking awesome dude”, said the bloke, who appeared to be either in his mid to late thirties, “best group of rock musicians to walk this earth.”

“You see, Danny Carey, a.k.a the octopus-  that’s the drummer by the way – can play polyrhtyhms which is SO FUCKING HARD.

“That’s when you play multiple rhythms at the same time.”

“And their song Lateralus was written to the Fibonacci sequence, and it’s…aw man, it’s just so fucking good. It has this beautiful ability to mean different to you at different stages of your life.”

“It changes as I change.”

“That’s why it uses the infinite shape of the spiral.”

“It’s a metaphor for the human mind.”

“Just…fuck, everything MJK touches is just pure brilliance.”

Leslie was seen politely nodding before excusing herself a piss, but luckily by that time the bloke had conjured another Tool fan to emerge from the darkness to start talking about that Joe Rogan episode.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here