ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A nurse at the French Quarter District Health Centre has laughed at two new parents today and labelled them ‘cowards’ after the stressed young couple revealed to her that they bought a Snoo.

The Snoo bassinet uses technology to essentially rock a baby back to sleep while blasting white noise in their ears, a technique that is known and proven to get a baby back to sleep again after stirring in the night.

It does so automatically as to not wake the sleeping parents, maintaining the fragile sleep environment. However, they’re worth as much as a high-kilometre 2010 VE Commodore Omega with stretched timing chains.

Nurse Sheila Davis confirmed to The Advocate that she did call Pogo (35) and Melanie (38) Stick ‘weak cowards’ and ‘soft as cavoodle shit’ for spending $2000 on a robotic cot.

“I used to think flying domestic business class was a sign that you have too much money,” scoffed Nurse Davis.

The 40-year veteran of the Queensland Health service paused to take a deep drag from her Peter Stuyvesant Filter.

“But it’s buying a Snoo. If you buy a Snoo, you’re soft. I’m sorry, but that’s just my opinion. I had this young couple in today, they’d just bought a Snoo. They said they were tired and needed to sleep. Excuse me!”

Nurse Davis let out an earth-shattering cough.

“Christ,” she said.

“Parents these days have more dollars than sense. A baby will cry at night and if you can’t handle that then God help you. If you’re looking at getting a Snoo because your baby can’t sleep then go look in the mirror and wake up to yourself,” she continued.

“Give me a break.”

Nurse Davis let out another seismic cough.

“Back in my day, we just got on with it.”

More to come.


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