Shocking revelations have come from Betoota’s property sector this morning as key conservative property investor figures sound the alarm over the confronting reality their historically effortless rental profits are facing.

The root of their distress lies in a convergence of factors. A major blow came with the Betootanese government’s sudden shift in policy sentiment, one that openly considers imposing higher taxes on property investments and potentially capping rental yields.

The Advocate spoke with one of Betoota’s most astute property investors, Dr Chet Spevens, who claims that not only are governments attacking easy profits, but societal attitudes toward real estate profits are becoming antagonistic too.

“The younger generation is getting dumber,” Dr Spevens said. “They continue to make noise about the rent rises us landlords keep hitting them with. When really, they should just shut up and be grateful we’re putting a roof over their heads.”

“There’s no rentals without landlords. Don’t dumb people understand that?”

The conservative property investor failed to mention that by reducing incentives (i.e., profits) for investors to want to gobble up more homes to add to their portfolios, it is more likely that fewer people will want to invest in property in the first place. This will see more houses placed on the market for first home-owners to purchase without needing to compete against wealthy geriatric fuck-face investors like Dr Spevens.

Indeed, contrary to what Betoota’s astute property investors will tell you, the Advocate can confirm that the shift towards making it harder for the landlord class to make easy profits by exploiting the country’s most vulnerable is a turn in the right direction. One that may lead to meaningful change in the lives of renters who are currently powerless against the whims of profit-driven landlords like Dr Spevens.

“It truly is a harrowing time to be a property investor right now,” said the man whose 13 rental properties bring in close to $27,500 each month. “Thankfully, all this rent capping and investment taxing is just talk. Surely the government won’t actually go through with any of this madness.”

More to come.


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