I hate the term ‘problem gambling’. It doesn’t make sense.

In my position as Australia’s leading independent finance expert, who is sponsored by the gambling lobby of Australia (among others), I regularly rub shoulders with industry heavy weights. And I can tell you with authority that it’s not gambling that’s the problem but the gambler themselves.

It’s like guns. Guns don’t kill people do they? People do. You need a human to pull the trigger like you need a human to place the bet. 

Still, educating Australians on the risks is important, but that’s why we have so many educational gambling ads on during sports, to help top blokes gamble responsibly. 

So this Cup day, if you’re a so-called ‘problem gambler’, don’t feel bad if you’re chomping at the bit like I am to wax your entire life savings on some absolutely bat-shit crazy roughies. 

House deposit on a boxed-trifecta in Race 4? Fucken yes please mate, too right.

And if you’ve married a nagging misso like me, bloke, you’re probably forced to hide your gambling habits from them. Don’t feel bad about that, either. It’s normal. All blokes do it, aye. 

You’ve seen the commercials, yea? Every typical no worries she’ll be right Aussie bloke hides his gambling from his Misso. It’s a normal part of being a standard regular normal Aussie bloke who has a misso, duh.

So this Cup day, just be normal. And if you can’t make it to Flemington, race into your children’s room and whip out one of your several betting apps, whichever still has credit left on it. And when nagging Misso screams, ‘what ya doin, Bazza?’ just say ‘fixing a door’ or some handyman shit like that. 

Then bet $1,000 on a horse in Race 2 whose name you like saying.
‘Silver Surfer’? Yea, got a nice ring to it. $1,000. Done. 
And if you’re thinking, ‘oh no I should really be truthful about this addiction with the Missus’, remember it’s not ‘problem’ gambling until you get caught, mate. 
You don’t see regular Alpha blokes comin’ clean with the misso after a few bets gone wrong in the commercials do ya, cun? DO YA?
So don’t be a pussy, be the Aussie bloke the commercials tell you to be and bet wildly this Cup day for fuck sake.
Gamble responsibly, but GAMBLE.


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