ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Brisbane-based meat trader has suffered the indignity of attending an in-person meeting today in Sydney’s soulless and hellish Northern CBD, causing him to come to the conclusion that it’s a shithole of epic proportions.

Darcy Cutler, of the Darling Downs Beef And Watermelon Co-op, relayed his opinion to his Sydney counterpart.

“I don’t know how you do it,” saud Darcy.

“This place is a shithole. There’s only one pub and it’s chock full of cunts from Channel Nine and middle managers from whichever agency that one is [points at man wearing lanyard] Take your lanyard off, you slob!”

Darcy’s Sydney counterpart, Brett Coin, laughed and said he feels the same way about Brisbane but as a whole.

“Mate, it’s actually not that bad anymore. Have you been down to the Howard Smith Wharves? You can’t tell me Brisbane is worse than North Sydney, mate. Brisbane has character and a moral panache that comes from decades living under an authoritarian government. This place, mate, look at it!” Darcy continued.

“At least the real part of Sydney has that old part to it. It has a bit of charm but look, mate, these Godless cunts over here have turned a church into a pub. You’d get your fingers cut off in Queensland for doing that,”

“You can’t tell me this place is any good.”

More to come.


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