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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A groundbreaking new study has been released this week, which is set to shake the beverage industry to its core.  A landmark report from Betoota’s major drinking body Licensing Inquiries and Testing For Australian Management (LITFAM), has confirmed that Coopers are essentially the Favourites of the beer world.  The lead researcher on the study spoke to The Advocate about the...

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACT Charlie Hammersmith eagerly awaited his turn to share his Spotify Wrapped 2023 highlights via the group chat. He was thrilled to reveal a wrap filled with an impressive collection of hardcore gangster rap.  "It’s my go-to for getting pumped up on my way to the office every morning", Charlie explained when asked why the genre was so heavily...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT In a bid to maintain their pre-cost living crisis lifestyle, a local yuppie has been spotted engaging in covert operations, discreetly using a Buy Now/Pay Later app to fund their $7 coffee. Josh Weldon (28), like many Australians, has felt the pinch with the ongoing cost of living crisis, but he isn't going to let that get in the way...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A boat party on Lake Betoota has gone down an absolute treat, it can be confirmed today. Taking place over the weekend, the moderately sized boat hosted 'the party of a lifetime' for those on board. Providing for the good people at LJ Hooker Betoota Heights, the boat took a meandering journey from the Lake Betoota Yacht Club...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT A man who hammers out emails for a living won’t shut up about the great outdoors today as he regales stories to his office colleagues about his adventurous weekend. Aiden Gant (28), a Senior HR Advisor from Paddington, Sydney, was seen strutting into his Pitt Street glass tower today with a goofy swagger in his step, after...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT New Zealand has finally agreed to a three-party coalition government, nearly a month and half after their 2023 Election National Party leader Christopher Luxon will be prime minister, after snatching the role from another middle aged white man named Chris who replaced Jacinda Arden. The role of deputy prime minister split between populist NZ First party leader Winston Peters and...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The man behind a swathe of classic and well loved movies has this year wasted a significant chunk of time. Ridley Scott has just spent months and months (and lots of other people's money) making a fancy new Napoleon movie, that simply won't live up to the one and only Napoleon movie. The man responsible for films like...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The canon on the back of a local motor vehicle has today been identified as the leading cause of neighbourly aggravation in Betoota Heights. Famous for making an incredible loud noise, the exhaust on Brett Daniels' Toyota Hilux has been confirmed as the suburban equivalent of a farmhouse rooster. The correlation between the noisy bird and the vehicle...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Prime Minister of Australia has today taken time out of his busy schedule to talk about the things that matter. With the nation being rocked by a cost of living crisis significantly contributed to by successive federal governments, Albanese decided to visit his mates Kyle and Jackie O in their studio. With millions of Australians tuning into...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The small town of Casmore is this week revelling in some serious excitement. Famous for being the home of the 'real' Big Magpie, Casmore is currently buzzing with some huge news. It's believed that Graham and Leslie's daughter Cassie Wilson has got herself 'one of those OnlyFans accounts...' That's the word on the main street of town and in...