Inexperienced Camper Attempts To Talk Round The Campfire Instead Of Staring Into It Silently
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
An inexperienced camper was found to be in violation of camp code over the weekend by using a campfire as an opportunity to chat rather than staring into it silently.
Being at the point in his life where he has to either take his binge drinking fulltime or become an outdoor health freak, Hamish Bisby chose the latter and after dropping...
British Conservative Sick Of Having All Their Towns Named After Traditional Owners
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Proof that a good deal of us are cut from the same cloth, some conservative Brits are absolutely done with the PC nonsense of having all their towns named in accordance with the traditional owners.
Roy Chapworth is the distant uncle and Facebook friend of Betoota culture writer Louis Burke who resides in Betoota’s UK sister town of...
Well Dressed Couple Walking Awkwardly Slow Definitely On A Hinge Date
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
In breaking news, two strangers have been spotted strolling at 4km/h this evening as they tip-toe around some first date topics of conversation.
Walking awkwardly slowly along the Betoota Beach promenade at 6:32pm, local paparazzi spotted micro-influencer Olivia Saunders walking next to Liam Harrison-Penfolds, the new sports physio that’s just arrived in town.
Splitting the streams of dog...
Marketing Manager For Data Entry Firm Hits LinkedIn With Profound Chat GPT Generated Christmas Message
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A digital disrupter has wowed his professional contacts this week by waffling into the smug void of LinkedIn and posting some paragraphs from Chat GPT.
As the marketing manager of one of Betoota’s worst reviewed data entry firms on GlassDoor, Adrian Foster (33) is no stranger to outsourcing work which he regularly ships off to a sweat...
Outer Metro Mum Visits The Cool Clothes Shop To Buy Her Husky Middle Aged Son Some Inappropriately Tight Jeans That She Will Guilt Him Into Wearing To Christmas Lunch
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A Betoota Heights husky gent doesn't know it yet, but his mother just purchased one of his Christmas presents from the cool clothes shop down at the local Stockland shopping centre.
Kevin Peter, a 34-year-old barge arse, will be guilted on the morning of the 25th of this month into wearing his Christmas present to...
Husband Realises He’s Got Another Week Or So Before He Needs To Start Thinking About Presents
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A increasingly large sack of shit has today confirmed to The Advocate that he's got everything under control.
39-year-old husband and father Brett Billson laughed this morning when asked by The Advocate about the logistics of his family Christmas.
The moderately popular architect from our town's Betoota Heights region explained that he hasn't really even given it much...
West Tigers Sack Entire Board And Replace Them With The Furston Guy
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
One of the National Rugby League's perennial laughing stocks has today finally made an effort to steady the ship.
After years of appalling performances both on and off the field, the Wests Tigers have pulled the trigger and sacked the entire board.
Chairman and hat enthusiast Lee Hagipantelis as well as aspiring TV star and CEO Justin Pascoe...
QLD Media Initiate Steven Miles By Quizzing Him On Which Origin Players He Went To School With
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The current Queensland government has today confirmed who its new leader will be.
After nearly 9 years of Annastacia Palaszczuk premiership, the state will now have at least 12 months of Steven Miles time ahead of them.
This appointment of Miles was confirmed today, after Health Minister Shannon Fentiman and Treasurer Cameron Dick pulled out of the leadership...
Entire Nation Shares Collective Disappointment At How Well Behaved Schoolies Are Nowadays
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT
The nation has collectively sighed in disappointment as reports surfaced that this year's schoolies were marked by an unprecedented level of well-behaved young adults.
Traditionally known for wild antics, underage drinking, and the occasional punch on, schoolies have apparently taken a detour from the path of destruction, leaving Australians nationwide wondering what went wrong.
"I remember the good old days...
Report: Holy Fuck Look At Grandpa
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Local retiree Harry Thompson has inadvertently become a style sensation by incorporating an unexpected accessory into his daily wardrobe – toilet rolls strategically placed under his jumper to mimic the appearance of breasts. The trendsetter's grandson, Jimmy, reportedly finds the unconventional fashion statement hilariously amusing.
Last Tuesday, the 72-year-old Harold discovered an excess of unused...
