The nation has collectively sighed in disappointment as reports surfaced that this year’s schoolies were marked by an unprecedented level of well-behaved young adults.

Traditionally known for wild antics, underage drinking, and the occasional punch on, schoolies have apparently taken a detour from the path of destruction, leaving Australians nationwide wondering what went wrong.

“I remember the good old days when schoolies was a time-honored tradition of chaos, betrayal, and cringe-worthy moments caught on shaky flip phone cameras,” reminisced Kyle Yates (32), a former schoolies attendee. 

“Now they’re all on their phones, making sure their friends are safe, and drinking responsibly. It’s just not the schoolies I once knew.”

Reports suggest that instead of engaging in reckless behavior, the current crop of schoolies have been spotted going live on tiktok, staying indoors and sometimes not even wanting to get drunk. 

Local businesses that thrive on the annual influx of schoolies are feeling the pinch.

“It’s a disaster for us,” said Simon Phillips (45), owner of Cheeky Fox Nightclub in Byron Bay.

“I had stocked up on cheap grog, I even managed to get goon on tap, and now they’re all just drinking responsibly and discussing their future plans. Where’s the chaos? Where’s the violence? I’m really worried where this younger generation is headed”

As the nation grapples with the shocking reality of responsible schoolies behavior, many are left questioning whether the days of legendary schoolies tales are gone forever or if this year’s anomaly is just a blip in the timeline of Australian youth drinking.


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