If you’re anything like I used to be before I was obscenely rich and good with money, your impulse purchasing habits are wildly out of control. Am I right?

Don’t answer that because it doesn’t matter. As a rich person, what I think is right and wrong is more important than someone like yourself who doesn’t know how to stay in control of their money.

But don’t be alarmed because I am here, giving up my precious and more important wealthy person’s time, to teach you how to take back control of your impulse purchasing habits.

While there are hundreds of financial gurus out there who will teach you piecemeal behaviours like ‘spend less then you earn’ or ‘put 10% of your wage away into savings each week’, in reality these techniques do nothing to break your ridiculous spending habits.

That’s because our materialistic society has told you that the only way your life has value is if you buy more stuff all of the stuffing time.

And if you’ve bought all the stuff, then you better hurry up and buy the newer, better version of the stuff before the stuff runs out otherwise you’re nothing. You’re poor!

So how do you compete against society itself? Well, what you need to do is get yourself a dog shock collar and get yourself one today. Think of it as the last impulse purchase you’ll ever make. Wrap it around your neck and load up the remote control app on your smart phone.

Designed to be intuitive to use, dog shock collars are the perfect tool for training yourself to reduce your spending and enhance your bank balance. I promise you that if you consistently shock yourself every time you go to buy something you didn’t mean to buy, you’ll be able to confidently and expertly resist the impulse to go through with the purchase.

Instead of wasting the money you didn’t really have in the first place, you’ll jump up suddenly like a cat whose paw just touched a cucumber and you’ll shock your brain out of making that silly purchase. Adrenaline will mix with your new found self- respect and you’ll walk taller, feel better and most importantly you will have broken those bad habits you’ve been unable to break before now.

Not only will wearing a dog shock collar give you the power to take back control of your costly impulse purchases, you can use it to train yourself into dozens of other good doggo behaviours.

Things like going for walkies (exercise improves mood and cognition), and going to the toilet outside (did you know every time you flush the toilet it wastes 11 litres of precious water?). All these positive things multiply the dog shock collar’s effectiveness and thus reduces your habitual need to buy shit even more.

Good luck.


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