7 May, 2016. 15:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

IN LIGHT OF RECENT REMARKS by a leading figure of Australia’s entertainment industry, the organisers of the TV Week Logie Awards has decided to issue the trophy this year with an optional paper bag to go over the top of it.

It comes after revelations that many winners of the prestigious gong have been hiding it away out of sight, with only the likes of Daryl Somers and Hamish Blake having the gall to display it on their living room mantles.

“We’re just trying to keep everyone happy here. The Logie’s aesthetics, we thought, were hideously endearing, like Danny VeVito. Turns out the popular consensus is that it’s really fucking ugly,” said Logie committee president Dirk Armbar.

“There was even talk of making the trophy look more aggressive – like an ARIA for example. An award you could kill somebody with,”

“But, you know, we’re in a recession and nobody has any money so we ordered these little paper bags from China to hand out with them.”

The controversial move has been lauded by past recipients of the accolade, who say they feel proud to have won the highest honour in Australian television, but think the pride would’ve been greater if the trophy didn’t look like a Golden Gaytime left out in the sun.

It’s unconfirmed at the moment whether the paper bag will be offered retrospectively to previous champions of television, but one winner says it should almost go without saying.

Home and Away‘s Ray Meagher, who won the gold in 2010, revealed in an interview earlier this week that he keep the award in his cutlery draw – only taking it out to break open walnuts, coconuts and stubborn pistachios.

“It’s good at that. Smashing things open,” said Meagher as he gestured the motions of slamming the Logie down on his kitchen counter.

“Once I pulled the pin off a can of creamed corn, so I just beat it around the kitchen with the Logie until it spewed open. Only half a dozen smacks and I had the bastard open,”

“But yeah, mate. If they sent me one of those little bags to put over its head then yeah, I might just put the fucking thing up on top of the microwave.” he yelled.

The 58th Logie Awards will be televised tomorrow night on the Nine Network from 7pm. Police are on high alert should Waleed Aly not win everything.


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