7 May, 2016. 18:45

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

KNOWING FULL WELL HE shouldn’t be preparing to go out ‘clubbing’ tonight with the boys, one 27-year-old is throwing caution to the wind and doing it anyway.

Not because he’s broke or just plain boring – it’s because he knows he’ll be talking to members of his extended family tomorrow after what’s gearing up to be an enormous night.

“It’s going to be a tough day tomorrow, I’m not going to lie,” said Gregor Hassen, a day-trader by day and an absolute animal by night.

“Tomorrow, when I’m talking to my great aunt Meredith and my cousin’s step-cousin’s new boyfriend, it’s going to feel like ants are crawling around on my brain,”

“They’ll all want to know what I’ve been up to and shit like that. Ask me how my job’s going and what not. I’m a term deposit specialist… what’s interesting about that? Especially with these interest rates. All I do at work is play minesweeper and smoke on the roof.”

His story isn’t dissimilar to a lot of other young Australians getting ready to blow their mind out with vodka, brain candy and house music tonight.

The lack of remorse amongst these young people has alarmed many communities, who say they should have a bye-weekend before they have to interact with family on a Sunday.

Instead, many like Hassen selfishly inflict serious harm on themselves with alcohol and dance music, then flop around their uncle’s home the next day, slipping in and out of consciousness.

“It’s incredibly selfish of these young people to take E and drink themselves into a daze where somebody gets coward punched the night before Mother’s Day,” said Marie Claire contributor Edith Punnett.

“A mum would love to see her son turn up for lunch in a freshly laundered shirt with a sparkling smile and skin that doesn’t have a sickly Hobart pallor about it,”

“And dad would feel much better if he turned up with a tidy bit of kit and a handshake that’d shrink the nuts of every other male there,”

“You can’t do that if you’ve been up all night with the boys.”


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