A recent poll of Australians who are emotionally invested in light entertainment television programming, has found that Australian cricket captain Steve Smith’s admission of ball-tampering against South Africa is even more disappointing than when Dr Karl Kennedy potted that chick from the Rogue Traders.

As the nation mourns for the loss of misplaced sense of sportsmanship that never really existed in the first place, the disappointment can only be explained through parallels to soap opera storylines from over 10 years ago.

This comes as Australian cricketer Cameron Bancroft was charged with ball tampering, and his captain Steve Smith suspended for one Test after he admitted that he and other senior players, who he refused to name, plotted during a lunch break to illegally tamper with the ball in the third Test against South Africa in Cape Town.

Even Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has weighed in on the disgusting display of poor sportsmanship. The Prime Minister himself has likened the disappointment felt by Australia to the time the iconic Neighbours patriarch left his wife Susan for a younger woman in the early 2000s.

“Natalie Bassingthwaighte was so hot. I get it. That’s a given. But when Karl started rooting her… It was dog as” said the Prime Minister.

“The same goes for Steven Smith. The entire nation is disappointed in you, you idiot”

“What you’ve done is worse than what Karl did. And that’s saying something”

“At least he was drinking at the time after he lost his licence for six months after having one too many glasses of red at a suburban medical conference, and his life spun out of control”

The Prime Minister took and deep breath and finished his press conference with tears welling in his eyes.

“Susan is actually lucky she got amnesia after what the piece of shit did to her”


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