INGRID DOULTON | Lady Writer | Contact

With Scotty From Marketing at home isolating from the floods and world wars with flu-like symptoms, the search for an acting Prime Minister has proven to be quite difficult.

On top of Scotty’s diagnosis, it was also revealed this morning that Nationals Leader Barnaby Joyce would be unable to take control of the Prime Minster duties – after intentionally chopping off his pinky with a drop saw in Armidale this morning.

Defence Minister Peter Dutton has gone to even greater lengths to avoid the job, by flying to Eastern Europe to join Ukraine’s International Defence Battalion.

Treasurer Josh Frydenberg has also unfortunately ruled himself out with a brutal case of tennis elbow.

While trying their very best to avoid temporarily promoting any ‘toothless nats’ or Catholics into the top job, the Morrison Government’s powerbrokers have since tossed up the the short-lived idea of maybe a woman.

Despite being rugged up under a blanky watching daytime TV, Scott Morrison decided to have the chat with the eight sheilahs in his Federal Cabinet himself.

“Good morning, Angels” croaked an unwell Scotty through an intercom in the coalition’s ‘Women’s Room’ in Parliament House this morning.

“Good morning, Scotty!” his fairer ministers responded in unison.

“Now girls…” he began.

“Ladies, I should say”

“Obviously I’m out of action right now. I should have known these flood ravaged Queenslanders don’t wash their hands”

“Anyway. Josh, Pete, Barnaby. They are all out of action too. So we need a PM to help clean up Lismore and trade barbs with Putin”

The Female Ministers sat in silence with excited grins on their face, all hoping that maybe this unprecedented situation might result in the Coalition breaking the mould and giving one of them a real go.

“… and I’ve re-read a few of your CVs..” he continued.

“Lots of talent in our ranks. I must say”

“But ya know. For this job… ummm… We need a bit more experience. I’m so sorry girlies.”

The female MPs sighed as their dreams of leadership were collectively shattered.

However, none of the crushed hopefuls appeared to question why some of the government’s biggest hitters – such as Linda ‘I knew nothing’ Reynolds, Senator Michaelia ‘Gossip Girl’ Cash, or even Grandstand Mckenzie – were overlooked.

“Understood” they all said in unison.

The search now continues for an acting PM.


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