Scotty From Marketing’s has today finished his whirlwind tour of the flood-ravaged Northern Rivers region of NSW, a daunting task for a Prime Minister who has been accused of a criminally negligent disaster recovery effort.

During a carefully curated media appearance on the driest hill in Lismore, Scotty finally declared a state of emergency in the Northern Rivers, nearly two weeks after the first evacuations began.

However, to avoid the same kind of reception he received in the bushfire-ravaged towns of Southern NSW following his Hawaiian holiday, there were certain protocols in place for this disaster trip.

One, his pre-muddied disaster costume – complete with brown make-up smeared across his brow.

And two, the complete media blackout – as Morrison ensured that the only cameras following him around Lismore belonged to his specific media team.

This is due to the fact that frustrations with the government’s response to catastrophic flooding in Northern NSW is now at fever pitch, with hundreds of locals crawling the streets looking for the Prime Minister, in a hope that they might be able to tell him how they really feel on camera.

Residents in flood-ravaged communities have been shouting for a week that not enough defence personnel had been deployed, as up to 60,000 local local volunteers worked tirelessly for six days to rescue tens of thousands of homes and stranded neighbours.

From the Tweed to the Clarence River, there have been reports of everyday men and women being left to discovered bodies – while the government took a full week to get any assistance on the ground.

Tensions were heightened dramatically, after footage circulated of ADF troops staging ‘recovery’ photoshoots with professional lighting equipment in squeaky clean uniforms.

But today’s ‘appearance’ appears to be relatively well-managed, with the Prime Minister’s helicopter taking off from Lismore airport moments ago.

“Okay. We’re all clear” Scotty told his undercover Liberal Party standover men from the helicopter’s two-way radio moments ago.

“We are in the air. Untie the local journalists”

“Actually. Maybe bash them around first. Force-feed them some fruity lexia too.”

“That way no one will believe their story about about the scary government agents with guns”

“Stupid drunken journos haha”


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