After taking a brief 12 second look around it has been confirmed that the entire world is running on wedding prices right now.

Now that everything worth paying for, and subscriptions to The Australian, are more expensive than ever before, a quick assessment of the world confirms we are paying wedding prices for everything but without an open bar in sight.

In an era where finding a fairly priced property for sale is about as fun as finding the most comfortable bottle to sit on, weddings are the biggest cost most couples will endure if they haven’t already paid their parent’s death tax.

Absolutely overpriced for years now, weddings are like a pop-up Disneyland where couples who think they are cute get lots of photos taken together in an environment that demands attention while simulating fantasy.

Unfortunately for everyone else, these wedding prices have found their way into the 99.99% of the world that isn’t a wedding and like that 1000 years song from Twilight that still plays during aisle walks, they are here to stay.

“Think I might set up a ‘wishing well’ at my birthday party,” suggested Betoota local Nick Murphy (31) who as a friendly guy in his early thirties, has been completely cleaned out by the costs of being a groomsman.

“I’ve actually been invited to a bring-a-plate wedding and while that can go and get fucked at the same time I have to say, fair enough.”


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