LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

After a landmark $40 million research study, CSIRO has found keeping a cigarette behind your ear could save the average smoker about ten seconds a day.

Study co-author, Dr Rohan Ganju PhD (55) says this result is outstanding for Australian smokers who need to save as much time as possible, considering each cigarette takes ten minutes off your life.

“But if one keeps a cigarette tucked behind their ear, assuming they smoke ten cigarettes a day, we can now say that a cigarette takes only nine minutes and 59 seconds off their life.”

“I think a lot of smokers will be happy to find out this time saved adds up to an extra three days to appreciate life as they cough and splutter to death in a hospital bed, drowning in their own lung fluid.”

Furthermore, the report found that not only does keeping a cigarette behind your ear save time that would otherwise be spent fumbling with the pack, but also makes the smoker look really cool as they go by their daily routine.

Outlined in the study is one downside of ‘ear-hammocking’ a cigarette (apart from fatal lung cancer) is the frequency in which people try to scab a cigarette off you increases by 90%.

“However, a lot of our subjects found success in saying the one behind their ear was their last one.”


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