LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

Whinging for a binging, local car sales extraordinaire Byron Devlin (29), says he’s cruising for another blowout this weekend, despite the fact it would be his fifth bender of the year.

“Just need it mate, gotta get away from it all.”

Devlin is hoping this next blowout will help him forget about things for a little while, such as all the problems he has failed to address as a result of his four previous benders this year.

“I’m just at my happiest when I’ve spent a weeks pay on shitty coke and OP rum, bouncing around from place to place, smoking a bit of this and that and waking up on some strangers floor next to four other dudes who look like me. I’m entitled to that.”

Friends of Devlin say while they’re keen on the idea of another bender, they think maybe it’s best he sits this one out or at least tries to address some of the personal issues that are getting him down before throwing caution to the wind.

“We can go out with him and get munted all weekend but at the end of it, nothing’s going to change the fact his dad never wants to speak to him again.”

“He’s a great guy, he’s the loosest unit out but I don’t know if he’ll survive another comedown. One time he had such a rough comedown he had to have another blow out just to get over that.”

Undeterred, Devlin plans on hitting the turps as soon as he can, toasting to the end of a rough week full of ‘annoying people at work’ and ‘fake friends’ by getting so sloshed he goes down a tax bracket.

“I know what I’m doing I’m not an idiot. I’m sneaking in a Powerade before I pass out. Then after I’m done with that, I’ll talk to Carol about my right to shared custody.”



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