Brendan Wilston (29) is what most of his colleagues would describe as a run-of-the-mill seat-warmer.

With no real personality on offer, and absolutely zero mention of his personal life outside of once apologising for running late for work due to car problems in 2019, Brendon’s workmates at Betoota Printing Solutions generally view him as a Non-Playing Character (NPC).

He only ever appears in the break room if there’s a birthday cake on offer, and when asked about his weekend activities – he has only ever responded with ‘yeah not much’.

Nobody has ever seen him outside of work, and nobody even knows what he drives.

As a diligent worker that keeps his head down, Brendan is never in the room when people start complaining about upper-management, not that it would be a problem if he was in the room, because nobody really believes he would want to rock the boat enough to dob on them.

However, this reputation – or lack of reputation – as a generic white collar numbers maker appears to be fading this afternoon.

This is because Brendan is joining his colleagues down at Mullane’s Pub for the first ever open bar in this company’s history.

With no form of sustenance other than a couple platters of spring rolls and sweet chilli sauce, the entire office is letting their hair down at a rapid pace.

Brendan first starts showing signs of being individual after opting for a Corona instead of an Espresso Martini out of the tap.

From there, he launches into the afternoon with newfound charisma, even going as far as making a mildly homophobic joke about one male colleague’s decision to drink champagne.

While the girls from the office begin remarking on how they never see this social side to Brendan, he continues making trips to and from the bar at a cracking pace.

A couple spilt drinks later, Brendan is telling a mixed-audience a story about how he and his cousin used to torture pigeons with a slug gun.

His seemingly inappropriate sense of humour is now descending into full blown bigotry, as this blind drunk office worker begins sack wacking male coworkers.

At time of press, Brendan had a complete third-party patron pinned against the wall by his collar and was threatening to ‘rearrange his face’ while attempting to make the stranger flinch with his cocked fist.

“Haha you fucken little bitch” says Brendan, before throwing the unknown man onto a table full of drinks, and spitting on the carpeted floor.

“Now get the fuck out of here you fucking [redacted]”


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