A pair of hopeful homeowners have made a final and cunning play to leave the torture of house hunting behind.

Currently living at home, Linda and Micha of Betoota Heights are hoping to get a foot on the property ladder even if the first rung is seven feet up and the ladder has been made of rotting wood since 2003. 

Knowing this Linda and Micha still bothered to show up to open houses and auctions anyway, being treated with all the respect as an unsupervised child in a pokies lounge. 

After yet again returning from another auction where they were outbid in the first 0.5 of a second, Linda and Micha returned home happy, finally at peace with their decision to eat lead. 

“Maybe the property moguls we call our politicians will never do anything to fix a property market that is broken by design,” stated Linda, a big lump of chemical number 82 in front of her.

“But they can’t stop me from eating this lead so that’s what’s going to happen.”

“Oh ‘it’s not worth it’ is it? What the fuck seems worth it to you about spending the rest of my life making incrementally increasing payments to the mortgage of some private school fuckboy who inherited a property off their parents so they can make a living playing golf and eating cream cheese while I wait a month to have a leaky tap fixed and cry myself to sleep at the thought of chipping some paint off a wall I don’t own but have paid for?”

“Does that sound like fucking living to you? Does that sound like fucking fun?”

“No, of course it doesn’t. You know what might be fun though? Eating this lead.”

“Now come on love, pass us the sauce.”


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