Fracking is set to resume in the Northern Territory, following the Government’s decision to lift a moratorium but enforce strict new laws and regulations on the industry while all of these soap dodging lefties down South try to decide if they are happy enough with the 2018 Splendour line up.

Chief Minister Michael Gunner said all 135 recommendations of a recent scientific inquiry would be implemented in full, as he announced the decision on Tuesday morning, while everyone was still talking about this year’s Splendour line-up – and hitting social media to discuss whether or not Lorde could be considered a local artist.

Gunner had imposed the moratorium before he was elected, saying the expansion of the resources industry depended “on the social approval of the people of the Northern Territory” – but not anyone else, because his job doesn’t depend on any of these detached latte-sippers elsewhere in the world.

“Quick. Lets get this signed off on before any of these little sooks in Balmain and Brunswick stop talking about accomodations plans for North Byron Parklands”

“Fucking hurry up you bureaucrats”

“If they find out our plans to penetrate the pristine waterways of the top end with hydraulic fracturing drills to pump up gas, we’ll have Di Natale up our arse talking about nature or some shit”

A scientific inquiry led by Justice Rachel Pepper then spent 15 months investigating the issue, and found the risks of fracking could be reduced to acceptable levels if 135 recommendations were implemented in full, but that’s not nearly as interesting as Splendour tickets going on sale in a couple days.



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