Local shithead, Riley Paterson (15) has been given the most out-of-the-way job possible at his cousin Meg’s wedding this afternoon.

After making quite a scene about refusing to wear dress trousers, and somehow knocking over a table of rented glassware – Riley has been sent down to the oval next to the church, where he will be directing guests where to park.

Riley, who has quite vocally told his mother that he doesn’t know why everyone is taking this lame wedding so seriously, in front of the bride, has been banished to the lowest rung job available – while his more refined cousins will be working the bar.

His lack of tie and generally messy misdemeanour has him identified as the bloke to ask any questions that are parking related, although he still can’t seem to answer any questions without calling the father of the bride on his mobile.

“Uncle Paul we’ve got an old girl here with a wheelchair. Can they park up the hill?” he asks.

After what appears to be a one-sided spray from his mother’s stressed out brother, Riley tells the guests that he guesses they’ll be alright, and to just park up near the chick doing the flowers.







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