A polite North Queensland Cowboys fans is not far off hyperventilating right now, as he and his luggage are transported across a Sydney Airport terminal without consent.

“By Joh” he says.

“What in fuck’s name is goin’ on ‘ere”

38-year-old Stirling Bowen has never been south of the Brisbane line in his life, but after having to sit out the 2015 North Queensland Cowboys Premiership due to a close call with an Irukandji jellyfish – he wasn’t going to miss this year as well.

“The wife and the kids were excited to come with me originally, but gradually they all backed out because of how scary it all seemed” he says.

“I nearly did too, to be honest. But our Cowboys are up against the Storm. This will be one to remember”

Stirling says that while he knew he was going to be confronted with both a culture and technology shock – he did not expect anything like what he’s experiencing with these moving walkways.

“I’m about to hit the deck” he says.

“How am I spose to get off it. Does it just spit me off at the other end?”

As one of 80,000 fans expected at tomorrow’s NRL grand final, of which most will be Cowboys supporters because there is no such thing as a Melbourne Storm fanbase, Stirling says he hopes he doesn’t have to deal with too many more of these things.

“Christ just get me in a plastic seat for kick off – I’ve already nearly shat myself after one of those tiny airport carts spun past me from behind”

“This place has gone and got itself in a hurry”





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