Daniel Andrews has resigned as Premier of Victoria after making his mind up “in the last few days”.

The Victoria Labor leader called a snap press conference this afternoon to make the announcement. He will officially stand down at 5pm on Wednesday.

His right-wing critics and the lockdown-brain conspiracists that have blamed him for all of the problems in their personal lives, are rejoicing today, although somewhat underwhelmed with how undramatic his sudden departure has been.

Mr Andrews said he’s decided to step down as the leader of the state after “always working hard to do what’s right, not simply to do what’s popular”

“It’s not an easy job being the premier of this state, that’s not a complaint it’s just a fact,” Mr Andrews said.

However, with a large number of Victorians still struggling with the mental and social degradation caused by the pandemic, many of the Victoria’s nutjob Herald Sun readers had hoped he would be leaving office in a guillotine – or the even more unlikely scenario where he loses and election to an all powerful Liberal Party at a state election after the people of Melbourne wake up to his evil.

And while the conspiracists and their Sky News oracles begin to speculate about rumours of Chinese meddling and QAnon theories, Melbourne is also playing host to some interesting yarns from some good old fashioned gossips.

And there is no bigger gossip in any city than the reliable old cabbie.

Speaking to a passenger he picked up on Smith street today, Melbourne taxi driver Con Othonos (65) initially refused to believe the news that his premier was resigning.

However, after being shown proof on the screen of his passenger’s iPhone, which clearly showed a news article from the internet, Con accepted the breaking news.

After a few moments of speechless silence, the cabbie decided to reveal why this has happened. As a self-declared Dan voter, Con is actually a decent source when it comes to political scandals.

“You know, a lot of people won’t know this. But I knew I reckon it was coming for a while” says Con.

Over the next 15 minutes cab ride, Con’s passenger was treated to a fantastical anecdote about how the recently announced public-private partnership that will refurbish Melbourne’s 44 public housing towers is actually just a smokescreen for a new CBD that Dan Andrews is building in partnership with some big name Melbourne families who directly benefited from the lockdowns, and some have even been in this cab before, except Dan got a bit big for his boots and now the billionaires are worried he has too much power and are putting together a dirt file on him.



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