Local drama queen, Iggy Meredith (31), has today emerged from what she believes to have a bout of the omicron variant.

That is, despite several negative RATs.

“I definitely had it” she says, in reference to the symptoms that overtook her body when she devoured a home made chicken laksa 6 days ago.

“I had the runniest nose and I totally lost my taste of smell for the day”

As Iggy’s friends and family will attest, this is not the first time in the last three years where she has convinced herself that the spicy cough has infiltrated her body’s immune system.

First, there was the cheeky cigarette of November 2020 – where she forgot about the fact she had actually scorched her non-smokers throat with one of her girlfriends full strength Marlboros.

Then there was the mild food poisoning of February 2021, where a dodgy egg on toast caused an evening of cold sweats, that were initially written of as early Covid symptoms.

These two ‘close calls’ were followed by countless lockdown hangovers that were also briefly linked the coronavirus, however, each time her conspiracies were slapped down by a PCR test.

Unfortunately now in the peak of the Omicron wave, hypochondriacs like Iggy are being given full license to claim that they might have this thing.

With tens of thousands of new cases a day and not enough resources for her to take an RAT or PCR every day of her isolation, Iggy is now convinced the two RATs her mum dropped off last week were inaccurate.

“Yeah. There’s a lot of false negatives going around” she says.

“So yeah. I still haven’t gotten over the sweats. I know it’s like 35 degrees outside, but I don’t usually sweat like this”

“I might have to go the full whack and isolate 14 days like they used to in the good old days”


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