The absolute chaos of a pre-school-run household has been amplified this morning, as one local husband hides from his responsibilities and leaves his wife a man down.

A twenty minute ‘phone holiday’ at 7:30 in the morning.

And in the most cowardly fashion, he’s done it on the ensuite toilet. A neutral zone where he realistically can’t be interrupted by his kids, or wife for that matter.

Adam Harrelson (34) hasn’t really taken a dump that requires him to be seated for longer than ten minutes since the days before his lactose intolerance diagnosis.

But today he’s clocked up 20 minutes, even before he had consumed his morning long black (with a discreet suck of a servo vape that he keeps stashed in the pantry)

After a week of high-fibre dieting and very little alcohol, and no coffee or nicotine bouncing around his internal organs, there is absolutely no reason as to why he would need to take that long on the throne this morning.

Unless of course he was mainlining the endorphin hit of an uninterrupted social media scroll, followed by catching up on the all the group chats.

As his wife Stella wrangles two monsters under 7 in the living room, Adam finds himself achieving a Nirvana-like state of serenity, after twenty precious minutes playing on his phone.

When he finally enters the living room, he’s met with an icy glare that is technically unfair because his wife can’t prove he wasn’t strangling out the biggest shit of his life.

That is, until she visits the bathroom herself and notices the fresh toilet paper roll she has replaced at 5:30am has not been touched.

It’s all over brother.


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