The reprehensible actions of a prominent Diamantina cattle grazier Brangus Dixon (43) has made it all the way to West End today, with dreadlocked white men of Inner-South Brisbane calling for a public execution outside the Archive beer boutique and bookshop.

Brangus, who only gets one channel on television (Imparja NT/SA) and is expected to get access to the NBN in 2091, has been scolded by the Queensland Labor Government after confirming his insatiable desire to watch coral bleach.

This comes as the disgusting, uneducated rural redneck decided to run an anchor chain over half an acre of Athel Pine – after it turned one of his fresh waterholes into the only source of salt water west of the Brisbane River’s Redbank Reach.

The Palaszczuk Government has told Brangus that he has 24 hours to resurrect the horrifically invasive plantlife, or else they will defund school-by-the-air and his kids will have to learn to read using the leftover ZOO magazines in the ringer’s quarters.

“This is why we have these problems with bleaching in the Great Barrier Reef” said Premier Palaszczuk.

“This is why the ice caps are melting. It’s because of the run off into the ocean. When people like this man clear vegetation, we feel it in this 3 million person city, and all the way up the coast to the recently dredged ports of North Queensland.”

“This is why I have decided to rush through new vegetation management laws. Yes I understand that will have a massive impact on food and fibre production in this state… But coal will keep moving”

With the a growing army of sandalwood-scented bongo drummers calling for Brangus to be hung, drawn and quartered by his own horses in the middle of Boundary Street – the hotblooded father-of-six says he’ll be down for the EKKA in August if anyone wants to have a real go.


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