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Though he was born in the harbour capital during ‘the 80s’, a youngish Melbournese man has lashed out at the River City this morning after he discovered he couldn’t buy a book and a coffee at three o’clock in the morning.

Tom Porter, of South Yarra via Caringbah, said he’s so used to being able to browse books and enjoy a ‘decent’ coffee in the early hours of the morning – so much so that he tried to do it in Brisbane overnight.

The Advocate caught up with Tom this morning outside the Mains Rd Caltex in Sunnybank, where and his pals enjoyed a quick breakfast.

“I visited two bookshops I found on Google last night after midnight and both were shut – and neither of them seemed to have a coffee machine in them,” said the 29-year-old creative person.

“And they call Brisbane an international city. The friends that I was with had no interest in going to a bookshop, too! All they wanted to do was climb up a telegraph pole and sneak into the smoke area at the Met. They didn’t even want to discuss it,”

“I guess Brisbane has more of a Florida vibe. A bit crass and hot. Every time I talk about Melbourne, everyone’s eyes up here glaze over. Anyway, back to bookshops. They’re the engine room of a city’s thinking class. Let me give you som…”

Our reporter thanked Tom for his comments and turned to one of his friends who was just finishing his $1 coffee and a cheesy bacon Traveller pie.

Artie Bomont, who knows Tom from uni, said that he even turned his nose up at a traditional Brisbane breakfast outside a petrol station.

“He’s got a good heart but Melbourne has turned him into a bit of a spoon,” he said.

“Not his fault. I’ve been to Melbourne once. It’s like if there was a Berline-themed theme park on the Gold Coast. They’ve got all that funny shit down there. The little trains that go on the road. Coffee you pay $5 a mug for. People lining up around the block to buy vintage sportswear,”

“I tell you where you get vintage sportswear, by playing sport as a young fella. It is what it is, then you die.”

More to come.



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