Local roofing magnate, Raymond Barrassi (55) insists he’s taking this whole second wave seriously, but says he would appreciate if the government took his human rights seriously as well.

“Look, it’s not like I don’t believe in the science” he says.

“But, at the end of the day… I don’t think a bunch of Labor party pencil pushers and medical experts understand what is and what isn’t essential!”

Raymo reckons of course he shouldn’t be allowed to go to the beach during stage four lockdowns, but recreational sunbathing is a whole lot different to driving to Geelong to shake some bloke’s hand and suss out the soft ute tray cover he’s had advertised on GumTree since April.

“You never know, I might not get another price like this. It’s quite urgent to be honest” he says.

“Surely any premier with half a brain would understand that I’m not going to head down to Eastern Beach and play volleyball. I’m gonna go pick up a fucking second hand soft ute tray canopy for $90”

“Or maybe not pick it up. I dunno yet”

“What I’m trying to say is that I just wanna take a look at it for fucks sake Dictator Dan”

As Raymo points out, if Gillon McLachlan is allowed to bounce between states willy nilly for a Port Adelaide vs Brisbane Lions Grand Final, surely he should be allowed to suss out a cover for his dual-cab luxxy.

“I mean, if this isn’t essential travel, then what is?” he barks.

“What’s next? I can’t go over to my mother’s aged care village to fix the hot water system?”

“They’ve been having cold showers since the start of winter and no one knows whose job it is to fix it?”


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