QLD Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk says she remains undeterred from doing what she thinks is right when it comes to Queensland’s border restrictions, despite the growing criticism from federal and interstate politicians, which she has been learning about on the news.

Likewise, NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has also had to manage relentless shit talk from north of the border from her Queensland contemporary, who also prefers to leak to the media before having a chat on the phone.

However, as was the case during the bushfires, the greatest miscommunicator of the current pandemic is the Prime Minister of Australia – who hosted a 20 minute press conference today in which he articulated nothing other than the fact that there has been no progress made in his efforts to force the least-Covidy states to risk their domestic economies with completely open borders.

While many of his critics say this style of governing is detrimental to his political aims, Scotty From Marketing has been praised by political experts who all agree that talking shit about state leaders to the media is the best way to get things done.

Professor Ingo Dean-Mackers for the Betoota Polytechnic Peter Beattie Institute For Political Science says when it comes to achieving bipartisan goals – the Prime Minister is going the best way about it”

“There are always going to be people who say picking up a phone and talking about the concerns and risks of any public health emergency with a concerned state leader is the ideal way to sort things out” says Dr Dean-Mackers.

“But, our studies show that hosting a live media conference every day of the week which begin with you first admitting to not talking to the person you’ve been having an issue with, and ends with you accusing them of using this crisis as a political tool in the lead up to the state election, is always going to be the most productive approach”

“And then, when you inevitably do have a conversation with them, about these same issues that really haven’t changed because the threat of this virus is still very real in some states, what you wanna do is go back on TV and announce to the world that nothing has been achieved, but it isn’t your fault”

Professor Ingo Dean-Mackers then when on to detail the last resort, if these heavy-handed political strategies fail to work in your efforts to undermine every Labor government in the land.

“Worst case scenario, send in the most incompetent Cabinet minister you have to personally vilify the Premier in question, and their colleagues”

“Just destroy them. Peter Dutton is the man for this. Send in the Minister For Home Affairs who is arguably responsible for 90% of all community transmission in Australia dating back to the Ruby Princess debacle and the strain of infection that he actually brought back into the country himself”

“This also works if you need to undermine state government ministers from your own party who say inconvenient things like Climate Change is the reason that the entire east coast of our ountry is on fire”

“If Andrew Constance pops off again this summer, send in Dutton”


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