LOUIS BURKE | Investigation | CONTACT

An undercover investigation in the Liberal Party headquarters was full of many shocking revelations, but none more controversial than the discovery of the Advertising Department which appeared to be full of nothing but hard hats.

Known amongst staffers as ‘the everyman room,’ investigators described the room as being so full of hard hats that they found it extremely difficult to navigate, knocking over no less than two dozen hats after stepping only three feet into the room.

Closer inspection of the hard hats revealed information about which politicians they may belong to, including one with special ear holes for Tony Abbott, a child-sized edition for Bill Shorten and a velvet lined, Scandinavian designed premium hard hat assumed to belong to Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull.

Further investigation of the room also uncovered fourteen expired cases of light beer, a 2003 Wallabies jersey and a pirated copy of an old Chisel album.

“It seems this room contains everything required to impersonate the working class Australian from the view of a soft handed executive who would die of exposure after half a day on a worksite.”

Prime Minister Turnbull continues to deny the room exists, stating that he keeps his hard hat at home on top of a marble bust of Lucy’s great-great-grandfather.

More to come.


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