A die-hard tennis fan who describes himself as the ‘Federer of Betoota RSL Ping-Pong Table’ is reportedly trying incredibly hard to convince all of his mates that there is tennis actually happening right now around the world, despite it not being an Open and no one who’s normal in the world really giving a shit.

Roger ‘Roger’ McKenzie, a 36 year old Betoota local, is adamant that despite there being absolutely zero news about it anywhere except his weekly tennis newsletter, tennis actually gets played year-round, even when there’s no major Open on.

“I can’t believe no one believes me about this”, said McKenzie, speaking to the Advocate while his ‘tennis whites’ were being dry-cleaned for the fifth time this week. “There’s definitely tennis happening right now somewhere in the world!”

“Frankly, I’m sick and tired of everyone always thinking that tennis only happens four times a year, during the Opens. It’s so much more than that! There are like, 12 more competitions at least, and they take place in some of the most beautiful small-to-medium sized cities in the world!!”

“I mean, right now, there is a major, major tournament taking place in Saudi Arabia, which everyone knows is the real homeland of tennis. But no one’s even heard about it, despite some of the biggest names in tennis taking part. Names like Juan Martin Del Potro, or Edouard Roger-Vasselin, or the great Paradorn Srichaphan – like, some really really big names”.

“I just can’t understand why no one else seems to take this seriously. It’s as if no one really actually likes tennis but they all just pretend they do during the Opens so that they don’t come seem uninformed or out of the loop. That can’t be it, right??”

McKenzie’s friends, however, remain unconvinced that there is tennis happening right now, or indeed that any tennis takes place at all outside the big 4 of the Australian, French, and US Opens, and Wimbledon.

“Come on mate, seriously”, said one close friend, who spoke on condition of never having to watch a tennis tournament taking place in Saudi Arabia. “You expect us to believe that people actually play tennis when there’s NO media attention? And that other people actually watch these people play? Pull the other one”


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