It’s only been one very long week since the recently-povo former Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce revealed to the world that he was having financial problems.

But no one could have thought things would get this bad.

With a Catholic amount of kids solely depending on his $210k tax-payer income, Barnaby Joyce has this week had to resort to a number of different side-hustles.

It all started when several of his constituents saw him first in line after a big night collecting bottles for the Tamworth return-and-earn – before giving Uber a whirl, and eventually smuggling tobacco contraband into a nearby prison as a ‘favour’ for his mentor Uncle Tony.

While the Member For New England appears to be working hard to put food on the table for his two families, it has become very clear to the former rural accountant that he’s got debts no honest man can pay.

So, out of desperation, Barnaby has today called a press conference to announce his intention to sell his most beloved Ooshie toy.

“No. I’m not going to be talking about abortions today” Joyce told reporters.

“I feel like I’ve made my position on abortions pretty bloody clear. But you can go check my Twitter if you need a reminder of just how much of a good Christian I am”

“Anyway, moving on”

The former-second-most-powerful-politician-in-Australia took a deep breath, before wiping the welling eye-water from his eyes.

“It brings me great heartache to announce my intention to sell my prized blue Mufasa ooshie”

“This is one of the rarest of the 24 in the Lion King collection, so it’s first in best dressed. I’m selling it for $1000. No nearest offers”

“Vikki and I don’t get to go to Woolies that often, so it holds a lot of sentimental value to us as well.”

“That’s all I’ve got to say”

“Also raise Newstart. This is fucked”


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